Birth is not only about making babies. It's about making mothers strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and believe in their inner strength. -Barbara Katz Rothman
My mom is one of those “super women” type gals. I seriously don’t know how she does it all. So when I found out I was going to be a mom, I hoped and prayed I could be at least half the woman she is. My mother gave birth to 3 healthy baby girls completely natural, no complications. So I figured I would do the same...
I had my birth plan ready and my doctor knew that I was against drugs and planned to do it all on my own. At 41 weeks, on a Friday night, I finally started feeling contractions. My super mom was there with me and helped keep track of timing the contractions as I paced around with my husband playing video games in the living room. By midnight they were consistent and around 4am we decided to head to the hospital. Once I arrived, I was already dilated 5cm and things were looking good.
I felt okay.
I continued to progress to 7cm over the next couple hours, but I couldn’t seem to get any further along. I was in excruciating pain and had been stuck at 7cm for over two hours when my doctor hesitantly suggested we try an epidural. I didn’t want to give in, but I also felt horrible and just wanted my baby in my arms. I finally gave him the go ahead and after I was given the epidural, things started progressing quickly. I was soon at 10cm and the doctor was ready for me to push. But due to the epidural, I couldn’t feel anything and had no clue how to push or what to push.
I felt paralyzed.
The nurses kept trying to pick up my legs and position me several different ways. In one position, I was squatting on the bed, facing the wall, and I began to feel so light headed thinking I was going to pass out. When attempting the normal pushing position again, my baby’s heartbeat began dropping so they gave me oxygen and tilted me on my side to get her heartbeat back up. I pushed, or attempted to push, for 3 hours. It was now almost noon and I was completely exhausted. My doctor did not like having his patients push for more than 3 hours and began talking to me about a c-section.
I don’t remember much, other than saying “just get this baby out of me”.
They quickly prepped me and my husband for the OR and at 12:26pm my baby girl was “born”. The doctor said that when he cut me open to get the baby out, he felt around, and it appeared that my hip bones were curved inward and possibly longer than normal, not allowing enough space for the baby to exit vaginally.
My body was literally not built for giving birth and I felt like I was a failure.
Why would God create me without the ability to give birth naturally? I would never be the super mom that my mother was. I was disappointed in myself. It was my husband who helped me to realize the hope and power of a c-section. If I had lived several hundred years ago, my baby would have died during childbirth, or myself, or most likely both of us. Thanks to modern technology, I am alive today with 3 healthy babies all via c-section.
I carry this scar as a sign that I can still be a super mom.
I might not have given birth all natural, but I brought life into this world just the same … and that makes me a super mom!
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